I have to say, being in all Pre-AP and AP classes is a killer. I don't mind it; I actually enjoy it. Everyone in these classes actually cares about learning, so I no longer have to deal with the stress of a noisy, disrespectful classroom, which is something that always drove me up a wall in my past school years. And I have excellent grades in all of my classes; my lowest grade is an 85, and except for one other class, everything else is an A+. So, grades aren't an issue.

The only issue is the workload. It's not that I can't get all my homework done -- yeah, I can do that -- but it's that because I always have some homework to do, I can't find the same amount of free time that I used to have. It can get rather annoying sometimes, because I have a lot of self-projects that I'd like to do: like drawings, literature, cosplay, making little trinkets or decorations for my room or as gifts for others. Sometimes it can get rather annoying that I don't have the same kind of time to do these things, but I'm not busting a seam or anything. I'm perfectly fine on the stress level. I would like the time, though.

But right now, I'm officially on Christmas break! I get two grand weeks off of school! WOOT! And I have a couple of goals I'd like to see accomplished over the course of the break. I really want to try to get a couple of full-color pieces up. I haven't done those in a LONG time, and I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic. There's some other things that I want to do drawing-wise, too -- like contests, gifts, memes, etc.

I'm also gonna try to get a good start on my cosplay stuff. The first thing on the list is to fix my Envy wig D8. I need to finish getting all of the gel out of it (there's still quite a bit in, as I discovered when it dried) and get the wig tame again. The tangles are terrible; it's so hard to keep such a long wig clean and groomed. It doesn't help that it came tangled up, as well, and I was never able to get all of the tangles out in the first place. Grr. Aside from that, I'm also gonna work on my Ed boots. What an adventure those'll be, I'm excited 8D.

Just a little bit of mulling for the future. Peace out for now.

~Dragon-Face

So, I was one of those poor, misled souls who watched the first anime of Fullmetal Alchemist before they read the manga. Nowadays, I would never do that -- I always make sure to watch or read the original before I watch or read any adaptations -- although I would like to hide behind the excuse that I actually had no idea that there was a comic book form of FMA when I got into it XD. I didn't know that manga existed when I started watching FMA. But regardless, I still made that mistake -_-.

I remember falling in love with the anime, watching it through three times before I really got into the manga. I mean, I read the manga a little bit as I watched through the anime -- I was trying to establish my newest collection -- but I just wasn't that into it. Oh my gosh, once I opened one of the manga volumes, I would be so addicted for the rest of the afternoon. But it wasn't my primary focus when it came to FMA; the anime was.

Well, there was an August when I decided to sit down in my squeaky, beat-up computer chair and reread the entire manga series, in order, starting from book 1 and going all the way to the most recent manga that was out at the time (which I think was 14), something that I'd never done before.

Oh my god.

I was SO addicted to the manga. I could not stop reading it. I spent entire weekends sitting in that computer chair and reading through the series. My free time after homework most definitely wasn't spent playing WoW -- I was glued to those books. It took me about two weeks, I think, to read it all from volume 1 to what I think was volume 14, and after that, I became a total manga nerd. No longer did I think about anime Ed and Al; I imagined them as their black-and-white counterparts in the manga, and began daydreaming about FMA using the manga universe (with Father and all that, not Dante. Blech, Dante). Time kind of went on like that, with me being all manga-obsessed and counting the days till the next English volume release. Then FMA2 came out, and over that summer I reread the entire series, volume 1 to volume 17, again. By this time, I had stopped trying to catch the anime showings at night because I really didn't care that much anymore. I missed FMA one night, then I missed it another, then I missed it two nights in a row, then three nights in a row, then I just stopped watching it. I only really cared about the manga, because the manga is so unbelievably good, I can't believe I never really noticed it that first year or so. And reading the manga is what got me into FMA in the first place, so again, more nonsense!

Now, you're probably asking by now, what's my point in saying all this?

I haven't watched the first anime in a really long time because I'm so used to the manga universe and general feel now that the anime just seems ridiculous. Today, though, I was feeling a little nostalgic and sat back to watch some FMA1 episodes on my computer. I had been speculating on this for a while, but after watching it for about an hour I very quickly confirmed my feelings.

I used to think that FMA1 was this great, amazing anime, but it's lost all that charm for me. I really don't like it anymore. In fact, sometimes it can get rather annoying to watch. I mean, yeah, if I'm sitting on the couch at 1 AM watching FMA, I feel kind of relaxed from the nostalgia and the simple fact that I'm watching a series I really, really like. But sometimes, I mean, come on!

The manga is notorious for it's perfect balance of humor, angst, sorrow, and forwardness. The delicate mix of each is flawless; it's so brilliantly written. And the characters' personalities are what brings it to life the most. Their personalities are very likable, and they complement each other very well and give the story its lighthearted, yet heavy feel. Each character is bold and memorable, able to carve his place in the manga and not have that place be forgotten. Their mixture is so perfect, the story flows completely naturally.

Now, I want to zone in on Edward and Alphonse. Two brilliant characters in the manga. Edward is very strong, physically and emotionally, and while he can have his solemn and serious moments, he always manages to stay upbeat, very lighthearted, like he's constantly dancing on his toes. He's so determined; it seems like moping around in one place is an impossibility for him; he has to constantly move forward. He will never fail to make you laugh or catch your heart. Alphonse is very strong, a strength that seems to be of a different kind than Edward's; he's bright, always able to find his way through a situation, able to understand a lot about the people around him and how to react to their thoughts and actions. Although he's stuck in a terrible situation, he stays bright, lighthearted, determined and spirited; he's not going to get bogged down and mope because he's in a terrible body, but he's going to make the most of it and enjoy life just as he always would.

All of this is totally screwed up in the anime.

Now that I go back and watch the anime, Ed and Al are such unattractive characters I wonder how anyone watches it at all. Ed can't make you laugh like he can in the manga; he's always serious, and it's especially bad in the latter half of the anime, when it diverges from the manga and Bones takes over with their completely different storyline. He becomes this moping crybaby who's always complaining about something or looking away and going on about something serious. Where's his smile? Where's that cocky attitude he's so notorious for? Where did his determination go, his flame? His lightheartedness, his flame, his determination, his sense of humor, his intuitiveness, his forwardness, his boldness, that playful sparkle in his eyes -- those things are what make Ed Ed. When it was taken away, he became another person. Ed is not someone to sit and focus on all these bad things that's happening to him; he's going to get active and do something about it. He's going to get that look in his eye that means he has an idea, give you that famous, cocky smile, and boldly stride forward with his next brilliant play. What happened to all of that? Where did that amazing character go? What happened to his spark?

And Al! He's such a follower! In the anime, all he can ever do is follow Ed around like a subordinate dog. In the manga, he and Ed work on the same scale. They think as one; they act as one. Al is just as much an independent entity as Ed is. He solves his own problems with his own clever intuitiveness; he doesn't need to follow Ed's coattails and go along with whatever plan Ed's hatching up. But this is reversed in the anime -- particularly noticeable starting in episode 43. Suddenly, it becomes this game of Ed's gonna call the shots, not tell you why, and you better go with it or mope. And another thing -- he's not so subordinate that he can't even know what Ed's doing. Ed and Al would share everything with each other -- everything -- that's the extent of their trust. So why, in the anime, does Ed begin hiding things from Al and acting without him? What happened to their trust? When did Al become the lesser dog of the pack who's too insignificant to even act on the same level as Ed? He's so downplayed on, you can't even focus on him as an independent character! Whatever he does is to lead your eyes to Ed, just like a supporting character; what happened to his standalone strength? He's a character just as much as Ed is!

It's Ed and Al that tick me off most about the anime. There are other things, too, but I would be able to accept all of those just fine if Ed and Al weren't made so unattractive. I want nothing more than to question Bones directly about what the hell they were thinking when they dulled two brilliant characters so much.

If you haven't read the manga yet, I implore you...please read the manga. It's well, well worth your while.

Recently, I've been having a very annoying problem with obsessions. I don't know how "visible" it is -- I'd like someone to tell me if they've noticed. It seems like, at specific allotted times, I'll think obsessively about a subject, and I can't seem to stop the pattern. I'm starting to wonder if I really do have OCD >_<.

The main obsession I'm struggling with is an obsession with food. Not like an obese person, but not like anorexic, either. Well, sort of like an anorexic, but not quite. I've always worried a little bit about my weight because I have a fear of becoming obese, but it started escalating towards the end of the last school year. And now, at the beginning of this school year, it's become a terrible obsession. I'm always thinking, "Okay, I need to only eat this much for lunch, and this much for dinner." I'm always running a list of all the things I've eaten through my head and estimating the calorie count. I'm always paying close attention to whether I'm too full or whether I'm actually hungry. I'm not cutting a drastic amount of food from my diet, but I am obsessing over what I eat. And on top of that, all I ever think about is the next meal. I mean, yes, I'm afraid of eating too much, but I want to eat, too. After breakfast I start thinking about lunch, and after lunch I start thinking about my afternoon snack, and after my afternoon snack I start thinking about dinner. I'm always thinking about the next meal, so eager to taste whatever I'll be having, and the constant thinking about it is starting to weigh me down. I'm not sure when I started to think about food constantly, but ever since I started, it seems like the amount of energy I have to spend has gone way down, and suddenly doing anything feels sluggish and tiring, whether I've eaten or not, mind you.

After dealing with the obsession for -- I don't know how long it's been now, probably one month since the peak occurred -- I'm eager to have it stop. So eager. I don't know if any of you can relate, but if you can't, there's no bothering in telling you how draining it is to think of one thing constantly. And fretting over thinking about it all the time does more bad than good, so today I finally took a deep breath and calmed down. I know exactly how I am -- I'll get this problem, and I'll be really disappointed in myself for having the problem in the first place. Then I'll try to fix it, but I'll be too busy moping about the problem to get anywhere. That'll last for a week or two, then I'll get really mad at myself and give myself the pep talk, saying, "Look at you! You call yourself so determined, always working hard to succeed at what you do. But how can you keep that claim when you sit here moping about something you can fix if you just work hard and break it down, piece by piece, like you always do!" Then I'll be angry at myself for 1 to 3 days, then I'll take a breath and go on, a little wavery at first, but getting there. This time, I decided to skip the moping and angry part and get some ground covered.

So, I looked around online. I found some pretty good advice for getting over obsessions, and I'm going to see if I can work my way out of it piece by piece. If any of you watchers have any advice, I would greatly appreciate if you lent some my way, even if you think I've already heard it before. Fire away; if I already knew, then your reassertion will encourage me two-fold.

Moving on, there's another one that I'm kind-of-sort-of getting over...it seems like the food obsession replaced this one. I used to be obsessed with the way I play the clarinet. I always focused so hard on how I just wasn't as good as the others. It's like I had all these problems that kept me from being better, and it got really frustrating. I knew I was good...but at the same time, I seemed so bad. I focused so hard on how my tonguing sounded weird, on how I couldn't play higher than this note, on how I couldn't sound just as beautiful on this thing as the next person did. I got so depressed over it, and it was all I could think about. I started crying whenever I started practicing, and for a week or so I stopped practicing altogether. It took me a while to climb out of it, but eventually I was able to get my fire back -- especially recently, when I met the criteria for Wind Ensemble level (yep! I'm staying in! ^^) There's still some things that bother me though, and I still don't know how to fix them. It's frustrating.

It seems like I've had a lot of obsessions, both major and minor.... At one point, I was extremely frustrated over not being able to speak Spanish fluently. At another point, I was always angry with myself for not being physically strong, for not being able to pick up something Dad or someone else could do with ease. And then there was the time when I couldn't stop thinking about how deadly my mom had sounded when she had screamed at me like bloody murder, so terribly like she has never sounded before, and how afraid I had been. There were a lot of periods I went through, some that I'd rather not mention. And this is just another period on the chain. I have to wonder...will it continue with a new obsession, or will it end here, as I try to put a stop to this food obsession?

It's something to keep an eye out for, because it's starting to have some bad consequences. I already mentioned that I have no energy, but there's also another thing, something that affected me twice before, and now it's coming back again. I don't know if it's linked to these obsessions, but it's something to ponder. Sometimes, it seems almost as if I have an anger management problem. A person will say or do something that I don't necessarily like, and I'll get so angry. Not like, yelling in their face angry, but where I look down, start shaking, and clenching my fist harder than I ever have before. I'm amazed no one has noticed. Like when my mom pissed me off on the drive home from Arkansas. Or when these two guys right in front of me were talking during a lecture. Or when I was partnered up in history with a girl who was totally content with sitting back and letting me do all the work (which ALWAYS happens, by the way). Or when a friend wouldn't leave me alone when I very obviously wanted nothing more than to be alone. Or when, after trying again and again and again for an hour, I still couldn't play that part in my music right. I didn't yell, I didn't swing a fist, I didn't do anything, but I felt the shaking come over, the emotions, I clenched my fists, and I briefly relished in the feeling of letting out all that anger before suppressing it as quickly as I could only a second later.

I don't want this all to become one huge problem for me, so I'm going to start working on it as calmly as I can. I'm definitely ready to be rid of these obsessions, and I'll work diligently at ridding myself of them.

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[EDIT]: I have a little update before I run off for the night. First off, I want to say that I give huge, loving, gushing thanks to everyone who's commented so far and everyone who will before I come online next. I promise I've read them all and been so moved by your beautiful comments; I just hope you guys don't mind if I reply later. I will! I really, really appreciate it <3.

Also, I want to say that it seems like just writing about this matter has already eased my mind. I feel a lot better now, way better than I did before I wrote this. I have a little bit more energy. And I haven't really been thinking about food, either, except for a flash about every 10 to 20ish minutes, but you know, it's not going to leave right away, so I'm not complaining. It's just a relief to focus on something else.

I really appreciate it, guys, I think I've turned around tonight. Let's hope it only gets better <3.

If you would like to be a part of my feature journal, please visit this link: [link]

Have fun with my OC Questionnaire! [link] My OCs are lonely!

My Christmas Wishlist is here: [link] Check it out if you'd like, and be sure to write one yourself.

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You all know the forever-ongoing war between Macs and PCs, right? If you don't know about that war, I'll have to accuse you of being a hermit, tie you to a chair, put some newspapers in front of your face, and force you to read them for the entire day.

But my point with this is, I've always been a PC supporter. Why? It's a pretty unfair judgment, but it's because I've used PCs all my life, and they've never really been a problem for me. I've used a Mac only once for about 45 minutes, and I didn't like it simply because I didn't know where everything was and was perplexed about why I couldn't right-click. I'm sure if I actually used a Mac for an extended amount of time and got to know the system, I'd have a much better argument.

But well, something just happened to make me seriously doubt Microsoft. It's so important that I HAD to journal about it. Prepare yourselves =_=.

For an English project, I had this idea that required the paper I had written in Word to be printed landscape style. However, later on I got a new idea in which I would need it to be portrait style. So, after dinner, I reopened the file and went to Page Setup to change it back to portrait style. It was the only thing I did. I didn't do anything else in Word, I didn't do some voodoo or whatever. I only clicked on the button that said "Portrait." Microsoft Word crashed.

Let's welcome the Macs.

If you would like to be a part of my feature journal, please visit this link: [link]

Have fun with my OC Questionnaire! [link] My OCs are lonely!

My Christmas Wishlist is here: [link] Check it out if you'd like, and be sure to write one yourself.

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Well, I'm back from Arkansas, and at my own home in Texas. It's really good to be back *-*. I missed my own home. And I missed my own computer, too. *Hugs it* Though now that I've been using small screens for a week, being back on this large screen where everything looks so small it's weird. My mouse also feels so sloooow after using my grandma's fast one. I need to readjust =A=.

Sadly, today looks like it just has a lot of homework for me. If I work diligently on it, though, I should have me-time. Let's hope so, because I'm not spending the last day of Thanksgiving break doing homework =O=.

Well, something interesting happened in my world this morning. Back in late May/early June-ish, I styled my Envy wig in about an hour and a half with Dragonfoxy. I feel pretty crappy about it because after we spent all that time on it, the wig turned out to not look so great, and I ended up not wearing it >_<. So, I've been speculating on other ways to do it, and with a particular idea in mind, I took the wig today and soaked it in hot water to get all of the old gel out. Well, that might have been a stupid idea. Sure, I got all the gel out, but when I combed the wig, hair started coming off in pieces. I mean, it wasn't like one half of the wig came off in a big chunk, but I was loosing hair, and now I'm starting to get worried about it thinning too much. I'm gonna see later when I really get to combing it all (I left it alone after combing only a small portion of it) but I'm pretty worried. It might be fine, but ngh >>. It's been loosing too much hair.

On another note of my life, I recently got a lengthy list of things I need to draw. XD Some of them are self-employed, some from others. Let's hope I can do it all before my deadlines *shiver.*

~Dragon-Face